I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
