Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
