I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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