i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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