I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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