3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
