i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She announced her abortion via fbk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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