You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
