he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
