Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
