im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He better not be in your backpack
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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