U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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