He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
