Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
now i know why i became what i already was.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
