what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
