I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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