What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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