I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
