mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
