An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize