i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
