you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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