I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
