just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
