i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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