I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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