Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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