My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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