By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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