I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
