I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
