I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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