Your face is a jimmy john
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize