Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes

(586): View more from Michigan

I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition

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(586): On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes (586): I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition http://tfl.nu/j099

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(647): View more from Ontario

I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum

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(647): I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum http://tfl.nu/wnzc

Replies (32) Good night (812) Bad night (4089)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"

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(860): I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John" http://tfl.nu/1on0

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work

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(201): I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work http://tfl.nu/3682

Replies (16) Good night (3420) Bad night (1163)
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(415): View more from California

what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance

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(415): what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance http://tfl.nu/c8s3

Replies (34) Good night (1327) Bad night (4919)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?

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(740): Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case? http://tfl.nu/5skf

Replies (17) Good night (5095) Bad night (813)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.

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(204): Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever. http://tfl.nu/wklp

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(705): View more from Ontario

I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.

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(705): I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless. http://tfl.nu/v2dr

Replies (36) Good night (4656) Bad night (1402)
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(480): View more from Arizona

We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.

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(480): We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids. http://tfl.nu/o5lf

Replies (15) Good night (3302) Bad night (1522)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

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(970): Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms? http://tfl.nu/dduo

Replies (4) Good night (2840) Bad night (1301)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.

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(616): I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US (+44): Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange. http://tfl.nu/699w

Replies (2) Good night (2205) Bad night (690)
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(253): View more from Washington

Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?

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(253): Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen? http://tfl.nu/9r46

Replies (14) Good night (2789) Bad night (885)
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(512): View more from Texas

During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?

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(512): During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados? http://tfl.nu/e60x

Replies (5) Good night (831) Bad night (403)
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(970): View more from Colorado

That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...

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(970): That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever... http://tfl.nu/748q

Replies (4) Good night (605) Bad night (344)
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(256): View more from Alabama

We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.

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(256): We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important. http://tfl.nu/x4o0

Replies (1) Good night (744) Bad night (319)

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