Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye

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  (303): You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake. (303): She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye http://tfl.nu/k1ky
  Replies (4) Good night (1365) Bad night (569)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.

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  (647): I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms. http://tfl.nu/aw2i
  Replies (38) Good night (7380) Bad night (1617)
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  (310): View more from California

  I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't

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  (310): I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't http://tfl.nu/g41b
  Replies (13) Good night (2848) Bad night (1194)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'

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  (703): Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks' http://tfl.nu/njwf
  Replies (14) Good night (5293) Bad night (1390)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?

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  (513): Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car? http://tfl.nu/e1cd
  Replies (4) Good night (3046) Bad night (945)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.

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  (940): I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again. http://tfl.nu/j6me
  Replies (7) Good night (887) Bad night (2267)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night

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  (732): His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night http://tfl.nu/6kh8
  Replies (11) Good night (2527) Bad night (1049)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time

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  (816): Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time http://tfl.nu/d70u
  Replies (8) Good night (1369) Bad night (504)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?

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  (832): Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life? http://tfl.nu/p6xv
  Replies (10) Good night (1087) Bad night (571)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it

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  (480): You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it http://tfl.nu/17sa
  Replies (3) Good night (832) Bad night (372)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.

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  (+44): I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks. http://tfl.nu/6xxg
  Replies (0) Good night (936) Bad night (461)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.

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  (832): You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised. http://tfl.nu/pjx8
  Replies (2) Good night (836) Bad night (378)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs

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  (918): i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs http://tfl.nu/moe6
  Replies (2) Good night (502) Bad night (337)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....

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  (618): My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why.... http://tfl.nu/ypyl
  Replies (4) Good night (373) Bad night (764)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.

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  (519): I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest. http://tfl.nu/lsvd
  Replies (2) Good night (656) Bad night (375)

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