Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.