I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
