A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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