just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
