She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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