I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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