butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
