i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
