She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Panties = found
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
