I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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