Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
