i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
