i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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