When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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