What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
