Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't deserve a penis
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
