Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
