I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
