You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize