Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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