i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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