We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I smell stomach acid.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She bit a glass in half.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
