I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
