I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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