I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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