he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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