I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
