I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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