Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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