remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
