Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
