Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
