I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
