does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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