so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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