I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
