There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Found the puke drawer
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
