I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
