how can u be prego again
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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