he puts the penis in happiness.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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