he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize