My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
