oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
