i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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