Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
