PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
