So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
