Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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