His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize