I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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