Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
