happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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