you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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