Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
