I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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